[nods again, and squeezes her hand one more time in warning before she feels an unfamiliar emotion welling up through her, palpably not her own but free for her experience nonetheless.

it's immediately obvious why Lan Wangji asked the questions he did, because what she feels is a lack of forgiveness: a sensation of helpless anger and anger at the helplessness, of tearing grief for a vision of what could have been and wasn't, of regret as deep as a well to the bottom of the world. but there is also a sense that it is carried, and the carrying is something other feelings have grown around; that the weight has become an acknowledged if sometimes difficult companion. truly accepted, not a stranger, until perhaps someday the wheel turns and things will change.

that acceptance comes from self knowledge, in this case. the feelings Lan Wangji shared are for himself, and how he found the courage to live with himself after the unforgivable. but perhaps, directed outwards at someone else who shares some traits with her, the way it centers him might help give Sprezzatura perspective on living with them and herself too.]