Locked Rooms (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guillotineroom) wrote2023-03-12 12:02 pm
guillotineroom) wrote2023-03-12 12:02 pm
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[BASILISK]
[when you open your eyes, you find yourself in a pleasant greenhouse. the sweet scent of flowers surrounds you, and the sun shining through the glass ceiling invigorates you from within. there are stone benches on which you can sit, and if you're hungry, there's a garden table with some refreshing tea and scones available to you]
[the voice– the good voice– echoes in your head again]
YOUR DESIRES. . . CREATED THIS REALM. IT IS YOURS. . . IT IS NOT TYPHON'S! I CAN USE THOSE DESIRES TO GIVE YOU A SAFE PLACE. . . FROM WHICH TO FIGHT.
BUT I CANNOT DEFEAT HIM. . . ONLY YOU CAN. ONLY YOU– WITH YOUR OWN DESIRES!! YOU CAN. . . RESHAPE THIS WORLD. . . HOWEVER YOU'D LIKE!
[the voice– the good voice– echoes in your head again]
YOUR DESIRES. . . CREATED THIS REALM. IT IS YOURS. . . IT IS NOT TYPHON'S! I CAN USE THOSE DESIRES TO GIVE YOU A SAFE PLACE. . . FROM WHICH TO FIGHT.
BUT I CANNOT DEFEAT HIM. . . ONLY YOU CAN. ONLY YOU– WITH YOUR OWN DESIRES!! YOU CAN. . . RESHAPE THIS WORLD. . . HOWEVER YOU'D LIKE!
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Everything?
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But you are thinking, "How do you mean, magical scholars are not putting out flames?" [ the only flames that can resist magic are flames that are fed by magic. it seems like, now that she's implied this, she doesn't feel the need to spell it out any further, and so continues in what steadily becomes a hiss. ] It looked... bad for me. Expulsion came swiftly after. After that, Eunoia and Selcouth Vaux publish what fragments of my work they can decipher with their stupid brains of theirs to so many accolades. I, on other hand, am forbidden entrance to Waterdeep's libraries for "irreparable harm done to my field". So, no more "scribe". No more scholar. No peers left who tolerate me. No institutions which will take me. Twenty years fucking around, for this.
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"Sprezzatura Vaux," a woman you believed could protect those things.
If she was unable, what to believe?
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Mmn. And where do I go now?
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finally, still low, thoughtful:]
I would ask.
"Does it matter?"
...
Had an answer, myself. "Yes."
But, the next question.
"Why?"
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What you asked. "Where do I go now?"
Both answers. "Where must she go and who must she be, to best honor the dream that was?"
Failure demands no lesser loyalty to what was cherished.
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I'm going to fix it. I will take whatever I can from Faerun, and once that is done... maybe... I go somewhere else. Somewhere kinder.
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Mm.
...
Do not mistake what is called for, for what is important. This is my regret.
Many respect the Ms Vaux who has failed. I have confidence. She will find the courage to walk with her, as well.
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Mammon, you are so... Little wonder he loves you as he does.
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What?
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[relaxes a little, at something in her face, though there's no particular relief in it]
Not his words.
[it's not a question]
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in a bare murmur, ] Perhaps not, but I can tell it exists.
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not exactly no, and holds a finger to her lips, briefly; shhh]
Am honored by your regard.
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[...
on impulse he somewhat hastily tugs her hand in and shares his emotions with her in this moment instead, because he does not want to talk about this out loud at length, in this room with company,
he's very aware that Wei Wuxian cares about him but that his feelings for him aren't reciprocal the same way; that maybe Wei Wuxian doesn't feel up to even thinking about a number of things yet, so it's too much to ask of him; and he's genuinely content with that. but it doesn't mean he wants to push Wei Wuxian to decide Lan Wangji has to hear "I don't feel the same" in Wei Wuxian's voice, okay
HE'S A VERY STEADY AND PATIENT AND UNREASONABLY LOYAL PERSON BUT HE ISN'T A MASOCHIST]
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it isn't terrible, isn't the worst thing she could do, but again this influx of feeling that isn't hers but is terribly close to what she's felt before renders her effectively(!) mute. ]
...Oh.
[ stupidly ]
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[his tone is kind of stuffily dignified in a way that could be read as disapproving, but she can feel through the link that his emotions are... sincerely also stuffily dignified, but not at all about her misstep and mostly all self-directed mild exasperation? he's self-aware that this whole sidebar is absurd. Ridiculous.
it's sort of startling to feel the extent to which the calm self-possession is real and also not everything going on]
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how do you live like this? she supposes that's the point—with acceptance. ]
I... yes.
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...
In any case.